Checkout hogs

Why is it that when I go to the grocery store, there always seems to be a "checkout hog" behind me?

What is a checkout hog? def: (n) a checkout hog is the person next in line who puts one's items on the belt, then moves forward so far that the ATM/credit card swipe is totally blocked, thus preventing the privacy of the first patron who is futilely attempting to use such ATM/credit card swipe.

And the most annoying part of it is that the checkout hog acts like you are putting them out by asking them to move back so you can pay the clerk!!!!

Wrong car!

I went Christmas shopping at the Best Buy in Holmdel. The parking lot was backed up with people trying to find spaces. I found one and went in to Best Buy, bought what I needed, and went back to my car.

EXCEPT it wasn't my car!

I used my remote to open the door (I guess the door was never locked) and sat down inside the car. But when I put my bag down I noticed there was an air freshener in the car. At first I thought how nice that Tommy put an air freshener in the car but when I looked around I realized I was sitting in someone else's car. How embarrassing...so I quickly got out, then realized people were probably waiting for me to back out so they could park. So I acted like I had to go back in the store for something, then detoured to my car and got out of there!

P.S. My new Magellan GPS came in the mail the other day! I can't wait to try it out - Tommy says it will probably break from all the times it tells me to go the other way

"Turn around, stupid!"

Mindless driving...or driving without a mind?

Why is it that so often when you are driving somewhere you automatically turn and go someplace familiar? Many times I am driving in to Red Bank and end up heading right toward the YMCA, even if that isn't my destination.

Our dog, Sadie, had to have an operation. The vet is located in Tinton Falls. Now the only times she really rides in the car with me are when she is either going to the groomer or going to the vet. So on this particular day I was driving her to the vet. Except I automatically ended up in the parking lot of the groomer's! I pulled in, turned the car off, and realized this wasn't where I was supposed to be. So I started the car again, glanced over at the man who was watching this all take place, and pulled out of the lot to drive over to the vet's office.

I guess we are all creatures of habit!

Update: Our lovable dog, Sadie, became very sick, very suddenly, and is no longer with us.

Two More 7-11 Stories

Well, it has been awhile since I have posted, so you are getting overloaded today. I have two stories from 7-11. You would think I live there - but actually I spend about 1/100th the amount of time there as Tommy does. I just seem to find funny things to write about my time there.



A few weeks ago, while I was once again waiting in the car at 7-11, a woman pulled up, parked, and went in to 7-11. She was searching the shelves for something, and when she finally found what she was looking for, she picked it up. Well, it was a box of gourmet dog biscuits. She proceeded to bring the box over to the doors of the store to show her passengers in the car. I guess she needed to make sure she had the right ones. Who were her passengers? Why, her dogs, of course! I guess they approved because she bought the biscuits.

Now here is my second story. Two weeks ago I had to go to the bank. So I hopped in the car and drove in to Red Bank. But instead of pulling in the bank's parking lot, out of habit I pulled in to the parking lot at 7-11 which is right next door to the bank.

Okay, so I'll just pull out and go to the bank. Oh, but wait ~ there is Raj (who works at 7-11) and he is in the parking lot right by my car. He saw me so now I have to get out of the car and go in the store to buy something because I feel like a fool. So I bought a bottle of Fiji water - which by the way is the best water around, in my opinion - and I got back in the car to drive to the bank. At this point I could have just left the car there and walked over, but I just wanted to get out of there before I made any more mistakes.

Did He Really Say That?!

My husband, Tommy, just became a reader at church.

At mass last week while he was reading the intentions for the week, this is what he was supposed to say:

"We pray for world leaders...so we may have our inalienable rights, from conception to death..."

This is what he said:

"We pray for world leaders...so we may have our inalienable rights, from contraception to death..."

The funny thing is that he didn't even realize he had said it until the other reader pointed it out. But everyone else realized he said it because they all made comments when mass was over!

I need a GPS!

I had a training meeting in Edison on Tuesday at 6 pm. Usually Tommy comes with me to these meetings (he drives me - and you will soon see why!) but he was running late and I knew the meeting was starting right at 6:00 so I decided to drive myself. I knew I had to take the Parkway to 287 and then take Route 1 to CompUsa. Easy.

But the trouble started when I was on 287. I knew the exit was only a mile up the road so I stayed in the right lane. When I realized the right lane was going to exit to either the Turnpike or Route 514 (which I am completely unfamiliar with) it was too late to get over with all the traffic at that hour. So to avoid getting on the Turnpike I took 514.

Went right to a gas station: "How do I get to Route 1?"
Attendant: "Go straight down the road - it will bring you right to Route 1."

So I did what he said. But which way do I turn on Route 1? As an aside - I always say I should never go the way that I think is right - it is always wrong!
So I turned right on Route 1 and couldn't find CompUsa anywhere along the road. Now I am driving into Woodbridge and start to think that I should turn around. I decided I would turn at the next light. Well, the next light is Woodbridge Mall. No simple U-turn. I have to go in to the parking lot and turn around. I turned at the light and suddenly I am on a different road altogether! This one brings me out to the Hess building on Route 9. Okay, so I think (big mistake) I should turn right. Now I am driving over the bridge to Sayreville. No way to avoid it.

In Sayreville I turned off the road and called Tommy. The easiest thing (if there is such a thing) to do is get back on the Parkway, get on 287, exit on to Route 1 like I was supposed to, and find that if I had just turned left off of 514 originally, CompUsa was right there! I had been a steps away from my destination and ended up driving 20 miles out of my way getting lost!

This is why I don't drive myself places! I guess if I had a GPS, it would constantly be yelling at me to turn around!!!

I put this in because I liked this joke

This joke was sent to me and I am putting this in my blog because I liked it.


A Tennessee couple, both bonafide rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision--why after nine children, would they choose to do this.The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither ofthem could speak Spanish.


By the way, the Jetta is in the shop and should be ready by Friday!

And It Is Only Tuesday...

So here is my week so far...

Sunday: Not too bad, although I was working on about 5 1/2 hours of sleep before I had to get up and teach my yoga class (see the blonde moment post). I was tired this day also and it showed when I went to turn off the lights to the room only to realize as I went to go out the door that the lights were already off...

Monday: Here is where it starts to go bad. I had a $25 coupon for Staples and needed to buy more computer paper. So I hopped in the Jetta and drove to Staples, found the paper I wanted, lugged the box to the register (I hadn't used a cart), and discovered that the $25 coupon I had in my hand at home was no longer with me! So I left the store to drive home and get it. While on my way home, I stopped at the bank's drive-in. While sitting there a light came on the dash and a buzz sounded. I pulled out the Jetta's book and it said I shouldn't drive the car if this happened! So I turned the car off, then back on, and the oil pressure light was off. I drove home, parked the car in the street so I could take the van out of the driveway - because now I was afraid to drive the Jetta - and drove back to Staples, bought the paper, and came back home. Went to bed early because I had a migraine.

Tuesday: I woke up early because I went to bed so early. I started doing some work and it is a lovely day outside. At about 8:45 am Tommy came in the house and said he had something to show me outside. He took me to the driver's side of the Jetta and the rear door was smashed in as well as the window! At first I thought it was the vandals we have had on the street at night because the house next door has been getting egged. Then I thought maybe the garbage truck had hit it. But he said our neighbor - whom we like very much, by the way - was backing out of her driveway to take her kids to school, and she slammed into the car.

Okay, so I have to bring the car for an estimate. As an aside - we have had this car for 16 months and this is the fourth time it has been in the auto body shop - each side of the car has now had or will have work done on it. I get an estimate - and a fake estimate for $1,055,655 to show my neighbor. JOKE. (She has to pay out of pocket for the repair - another story!) Then I have to bring the car to the Volkswagon dealer so they can change the oil and see why the light came on. I got there at 1:20 pm, he said it would be about an hour so I said I would wait. I walked down to Wendy's and got my lunch, came back and waited. At 2:20 he said they couldn't find anything wrong for the light to come on, but they should flush the engine, I said okay. He also said it needed a tune-up ($480 - I will schedule another time!) - I said do the flush and how much longer. He said about 1/2 hour. Fine. That would bring me to around 2:50 - at 3:30 I am still there! I ask if the car is done - oh, about 20 more minutes - what, I was told 1/2 hour at 2:20! Oh, wait and I will find out. Well, why don't you pay and then tell them to page the "quality control' guy and he will bring the car around for you. Fine, I will do that. Page the guy - no answer. Wait...page again...no answer...he finally comes...oh I just brought that to be washed. I said, "Washed, there is plastic over the window - the water will get inside - I don't think it needs to be washed!" Okay, then you don't want it washed? I finally got in the car at 3:56 pm!!! And it is only Tuesday!

A Blonde Moment

Okay, so I was tired last Sunday morning. Every Sunday I get up early so I can teach an 8:15 am yoga class. Before class starts I turn off the overhead lights and keep the track lights on. But for some reason the track lights are different each week. Or at least they seem so. For example, there are two tracks with three lights on each track. One week all six lights might be on, while the next only two lights on one track are on, three on the other. Or the bulb wattage is different. You get the idea. Well, last week all three lights on one track were out. I spoke my thoughts out loud - "each week these lights are different!" - then one of my students said, "maybe you ought to turn the switch on." Yeah, I guess that would help. A blonde moment!
I told you I was tired!

Put some clothes on, PLEASE!

Why is it that when you go somewhere where there is nude sunbathing, the ones that take advantage of such activities are the ones that make you cringe? I just came back from Jamaica and there were plenty of people who were letting it all go, so to speak. Yes, they were at their designated nude bathing areas, but I was with a group of travel agents being given a tour, so we "saw it all", so to speak. There was one couple - I guess they were a couple together - who were standing around the pool. The strange thing - or should I say strangest - was that the woman was holding on to a fishing pole. Now what was she planning on doing with that fishing pole? None of us could figure that one out, nor did we really want to!

What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you?

What comes to mind when someone asks you this question? Well, my all time funniest thing, at least in my mind, happened when I was 17 years old. My mother asked me to get her a sundae from Dairy Queen, and she would treat me to one also. She liked hot fudge sundaes with those gooey walnuts on top (commonly called "wet" nuts as opposed to the dry walnuts you can get). So I drove to Dairy Queen in Lincroft. The guy waiting on me was about my age. I ordered two hot fudge sundaes with vanilla ice cream. Oh, wait a minute, I forgot something - so I yelled over to the guy,

"DO YOU HAVE WET NUTS?"

well, as soon as those words came out of my mouth, I turned bright red, the guy started laughing , said yes, finished making the sundaes, and I got out of the Dairy Queen as fast as I could!

Ever Tried to Hold Your Breath on the Elliptical?

I went to the gym today to do 45 minutes on the elliptical. The room was empty except for me and one other person who was on the treadmill. Little by little people starting coming in. Then an old man with lots of hair coming out of his ears got on the elliptical next to me. As soon as he stepped on it he farted. One that at least didn't smell. Okay, so I was safe. At least for another 10 minutes. Then he let out 5 toots in a row and I had to hold my breath because I couldn't take the smell. He still stayed on the machine! I wouldn't let it make me finish up early - so I kept on plugging away. I had one minute left and then came the silent killer - no warning - just the stench. Can you believe the nerve of some people?

It Wasn't a Poodle

So I was waiting in the car in the parking lot at 7-11 and we were parked next to a lavendar cadillac. I looked out my window and saw the driver of the car with a cute little poodle in her lap. Except when the poodle moved her head I saw, to my surprise, that it wasn't a poodle, but a little black girl - about 1 1/2 years old - with her hair in little poofy pony tails! But the funny part was when Tommy came out of 7-11 and looked at the car as he walked by and said, "oh, look at the cute little dog!" As he went to get in our car his eyes widened and he got in quickly - we laughed and laughed. I am sure they didn't hear him because their windows were shut and their car was running.